Everything feels a million times magnified when you come out of a breakup. You start noticing your friends are all in relationships, a million new engagements pop up on facebook, here comes the babies, and lets not forget you’ll no doubt have to attend a wedding or two in the middle of all of your breakup crap.
Your friends will offer multitudes of advice…most of it will be absolute bullshit. They will ask how long you’ve been together and reassure you that it wasn’t enough time to actually be that involved with the person. I don’t know who said it but, “You can be in a relationship for two years and feel nothing. You can be in a relationship for two months and feel everything. Time is not a measure of quality; of infatuation, or of love.”
All I kept thinking was, “You can’t give up on someone because the situation isn’t ideal.” But he had given up on me. I wanted more than anything to show my ex-boyfriend that I was hurting. Something he said he would never do. I wanted him to know my grief:
The miraculous thing is, he didn’t cut my heart out. He might of tried to stab it to death, but it lived. It lived in the tears that fell down my face at my friend Sarah’s wedding this weekend. I had officially become the girl who cries at weddings the moment her groom Johnny opened his mouth.
I started thinking, “As women there comes a moment when you have to let go of the desperation to salvage a relationship and embrace who you are…”
I don’t want to be the girl that didn’t give up on a relationship.
I want to be the girl who didn’t give up on herself.
I mean, the ex missed me looking like this…
And that was before the wedding, before the makeup, and definitely before I got my bad-ass Cynthia Rowley dress on there in the background. In the middle of it all I realized I had to find ways to put myself first, and hold a clear & positive vision.
Because in the grand scheme of things:
You might not have the life I have, and you may not have the life you want, but it’s possible. Anything is. If it was possible for me to fall madly in love with a man and have him love me back (no matter how brief it was), it is entirely possible it will happen again.
In the mean time:
Cry at weddings when one of your dearest friends thanks his new wife with, “Because you are amazing.” And until it happens to you–love yourself. “Because you are amazing.”
What? Sometimes I prep for a stand-up gig by being sweet, poignant and sappy. That girl lives behind the one about to tell jokes on breast milk facials later. Yes, that’s a thing. Who knew.
xx Sassy Lil’ Biscuit