Everything feels a million times magnified when you come out of a breakup. You start noticing your friends are all in relationships, a million new engagements pop up on facebook, here comes the babies, and lets not forget you’ll no … Continue reading
This was supposed to be the ‘Summer of Fun’. Instead it has been the Summer of Suck.
‘One thing after another’ has been the theme of the week. Someone kindly reminded me yesterday that my writing was sucking, too. *that comma is there to annoy him. 🙂
I lost sight of who I am. What I want. My drive, my focus, my passion. So, God hit the reset button.
I was fighting ambiguous loss. I lost, the one person, the most important person in my life. I read an article in Elite Daily today, and it all started to make sense. We have to be able to learn from everything, especially the bad stuff. The stuff we don’t want to happen. Things we have no control over. “You don’t need someone who understands you, just someone who wants you,” Paul Hudson says in Dating. He goes on to say,
“If you want to find the right person to spend your life with, then find someone who recognizes you as being important enough to fight for.”
That’s it. When do we convince ourselves to let go of something that was important, and move on? Remember my three day rule from Hope You Have An Amazing Birthday…And Get Raped By a Bear? That didn’t apply here. I fought. I fought hard. With blogs, love letters, texts, calls, and an mp3 file via email. LOL. In the end I wasn’t important enough to fight for.
I know. That is a hard thing to admit, but you have to treat people who walk out of your life like the dead ones. You mourn them just like someone who commits suicide because there are no answers. The sooner you quit torturing yourself for them, the faster you can begin to heal. And how does this Sassy Lil’ Biscuit heal? With a new writing gig involving dating–and sex toys! Shit yeah. So, it’s back to online dating. “Hey Girl, looking for something serious?”
Also, it’s back to writing that second book…
A journey of self-discovery, self-healing, learning how to live, and I mean really live. I’d Rather Die Than Eat Thai is a book about ambiguous loss, and how to pull yourself out of self-loathing. I thought this book would end with a true love story, but I’m not Elizabeth Gilbert. Then again, maybe I should be:
I woke up today realizing that I haven’t eat in three days. I’ve been so depressed I just fucking forgot to eat. And I forgot to fucking curse. I forgot who I was…I forgot to moisturize. I can’t get saggy skin. OR bags under my very pretty eyes. I’m single.
So, I’m gonna eat some mother fucking pizza today. Screw weight loss.
I also have a date tonight. No doubt you’ll hear about it soon. Just because someone walks out of your life doesn’t mean that you have to quit living. If they don’t want you, you need to surround yourself with people who do.
xx Sassy Lil’ Biscuit
I don’t know where the awful phrase ‘How to Adult’ has come from, but I’ve forgot. No really, I used to be the multi-tasking Queen. I’m now the Queen of “Why didn’t you just check your calendar?” Because half of the time I forget to put crap in my calendar.
I failed so hard yesterday at being an adult that I just binged watched…
You guessed it. The characters are so amazing. I sit there as a writer and actor going: I want to be ‘Crazy Eyes’. Dammit. I’d love to write crazy eyes.
Currently, I am writing a new play. I got sick of the ‘God Complex’ most men in Hollywood Production roles carry around. Yes, I have a vagina. Yes, I am a writer. Yes, I’m probably better than you at script development–because I studied it at one of the top creative writing universities in England. Not because I have a vagina that causes you to throw your toys out your pram.
Reel it back in, please.
I’ve got to the point today where I’m freaking out about baking dessert for my boyfriend parents. Yep. I have a boyfriend. No, I’m not making him up. I suggested dinner with his parents, then suggested that because I’m from the south that I bake something for dessert.
I can cook. I cannot bake. Mostly because all of that fatty, fatty goodness we use in the U.S. is not sold in the U.K. I mean, I can’t even bake a blueberry pie by just buying already made pie crust and filling. You can’t even buy cake mix, really. It’s all dry and shitty. No Moist Betty Crocker up in the England.
Yeah, I know. Thanks, Obama.
I think part of the actual reason I’m failing at life is due to the fact that I am not living my life. I say that as in: I broke my back last summer. I just found out last month that it’s still broken. Before my injury I went to the gym five days a week. I kicked ass too. Yoga, spin, 45 minute runs, an ab workout from hell–I was hot.
Since then, I found that even a 10 minute ab workout, a 20 minute run, 10 minutes of yoga–they are torture. I’ve been working with a physio and hydrotherapist. Five minutes. I’m allowed to work out for five minutes a day.
Yeah. I know. I don’t have the rush of endorphins. The outlet for stress. I’ve gained a stone. I’m not motivated in the mornings. I quit ‘adulting’. And it’s depressing.
Being a creative with an injury sucks. Hell, being anyone with an injury sucks. My Physio has told me to forget about my old life. How? How do we as women overcome the things we have zero control of, and take our ‘selfs’ back? How do we fully ‘adult’?
Any way we can. Haha!
I can’t work for more than three, maybe four hours, at my desk without wanting to lie down. I can’t walk into town for more than an hour before wanting to lie down. My back hurts. And by hurt, my GP gave me NSAID pain relievers that relax the muscles so now I can feel that my L2 is still not fused together. And I refuse to take anything outside of that…hurt or not, I will not become dependent on pain pills to live my daily life.
So how do I ‘adult’ through it? How do we overcome those things that are above and beyond us? Like weight gain. And the people that judge us? Or douchebag doctors that mis-diagnose? Or people that are unnecessarily rude or aggressive toward us in a Walmart?
Did you guys see this? Who does that kind of crap in front of a kid? The sensationalization of ‘girl on girl bullying’ needs to stop. I barely made it out of high school thanks to the ‘Heathers’ that promoted this stuff back in the day. Learn to be adults, Ladies.
We have to concentrate on the positives around us. Focus on what is amazing–in the here and now. Not the past.
I have a new feature column coming out! It’s focused on all my misadventures in travel, fashion and beauty. Yeah, it’s like sex in all the cities! I will so be posting more often now. Sorry for the sabbatical (Erica!).
I’m in Europe for the summer. Kicking ass and taking names in some amazing places. I’m learning how to workout in a pool for five minutes a day. I’m writing. For me. I’ve just been picked up on a killer project that I will eventually tell you about. I love the secret society of writing sometimes.
And well, most importantly, I have an amazing boyfriend that tells me I’m beautiful every day. Because in the words of Amy Shumer: I’m probably like 160 pounds right now and I can catch a dick whenever I want.
xx Sassy Lil’ Biscuit
Yeah, you read that right. I know some people would argue period, but I would take a lifetime of surfing the crimson tidal wave over a damn diet. Why? They suck.
I told you guys when I started this blog I was going to be brutally honest, and dieting blows harder than a seventeen year old on Prom Night.
I have been eating disgustingly not-so-delicious food since Jan 1st. Yeah. It’s gross. I don’t care who you are, eating healthy sucks ass sometimes. There are delicious smoothies, and omlettes packed with veggies, but I added loads of clean protein to my diet. *82 grams a day to be exact, and…it tastes like cardboard for the most part. Why? Because I cut out lunch meat, high fat meats, processed stuff like sausage and pepperoni, and…bacon. I know. I’m bat-shit crazy.
My best friend is doing the same thing, but cutting carbs. She’s lost 7 pounds. She also “gags down her breakfast” every day. Like me, and most women, the thought of eating things that you aren’t used to or simply don’t like is nasty.
First thing’s first: Forgive yourself for not being a size two.
Second: Fit takes effort. Lots and lots of dirty, sweaty effort.
From the tasteless cardboard food, to getting physical at the gym full of hot people in lycra, to men and their crappy comments about ‘how you should diet’, I’m here to tell you dieting is absolutely awful. Getting fit takes commitment, and people are still going to be rude to you during this process, so don’t get discouraged. Even if, most days, you’d like to go back to your couch and live there forever, for ever ever.
There is temptation everywhere. It’s like your friends invite you to dinners and parties just to watch you fail.
As if that’s not bad enough, you got assholes posting stuff like this in your facebook feed:
Oh, and men. They’re the worst. Ya’ got guys like this calling you fat…
Stand by this Ladies, you can fix fat. There ain’t no way in hell you can fix ugly. Without a million dollars and a Hollywood plastic surgeon. Yo! Douchecanoes! Stop putting women down and encourage us to look like Tyra or Gisele, dammit.
No joke. Had a man that I went all through school with–who people think is just the most awesome guy ever. He’s not. He was helping me with weightloss last year. I was actually doing pretty good, too. He introduced me to some awesome people, including a very hot doctor friend. Hot Doctor Friend and I talked for a while. He finds out the Doctor and I have developed a bit of whatever. Then tells me Hot Doctor Friend said, and I quote:
She is the most awesome woman I have ever met…but she’s fat.
Who says that? Your arch nemesis. And assholes. Assholes say that. I went home and ate a whole pizza, and cried because it was delicious.
I mean, who are men to shame us? They don’t know why we are overweight, what got us there, and it’s obviously a struggle–cause we aren’t dumb. We know, in fact, that we could lose some pounds. The worst thing you can do is tell a girl who is trying to do that, that she is indeed fat.
Men should be praising us for our sexiness. We know we aren’t perfect. Give us a slight kick in the arse to get motivated. Don’t cripple our will to live.
Because when I do get that fight in me, the yearning to transform myself, the will power to go out and get my body back, you might not want to be the guy who called me fat.
Because not only will I possibly kick your ass…I’m gonna look hot doing it.
This blog is for every woman who has ever been put down by a man, made to feel less than awesome because they have a few extra pounds, my best friend who is struggling to gag down a shitty breakfast every morning to look okay in a bathing suit soon. For the girl who was bullied because she wasn’t a size two, the girl who has a female reproductive disease that keeps her from losing that last 20 pounds, the girl who eats her feelings, the woman who simply just can’t get motivated, and the one who works her ass off in the gym and still jiggles a little.
I encourage everyone reading this to start supporting one another. Check out campaigns like This Girl Can and go get your freak on…no seriously. Watch the video below. Just the best damn motivation I’ve seen in a loooooong time, Ladies.
I’m back in the gym with a bad-ass trainer on Monday. Hot Doctor, Douchecanoe School Friend and the guy who rejected me over a package full of 365 handwritten love letters will be kissing my lily white, hot ass in no time. 🙂
Now pardon me, while I go get my sassy lil’ freak on.
xx Sassy Lil’ Biscuit